Doing Life Together

Return to the Riparian Preserve

Posted on June 10, 2022 by Andrea R Huelsenbeck

“Have you seen the spoonbill who lives here?” asked a man with a camera.

“No, I’ve never seen the spoonbill, but I see you’ve brought the big gun,” I said, pointing to the huge telephoto lens on his camera.

The Gilbert Riparian Preserve is a popular local venue for nature photographers. I posted about it in 2016 and 2017, but I hadn’t been back there since. One day last January, I drove to the 110 acre park that boasts a lake, seven ponds, hiking trails, a playground, and an observatory. I wasn’t expecting it to be so busy on a weekday; I was lucky to get a parking spot. The park was full of senior citizens and parents with young children. And also lots of ducks.

When I was a little girl, we’d go to the local pond with a bag of stale bread and tear it up to feed the ducks. Bread is no longer a recommended duck cuisine. At the Preserve, only at the lake (not at the ponds) are you allowed to feed the ducks, and only birdseed, corn, and whole-grain cereal are permitted. (Most people, like the kids above, bring baggies of Cheerios.)

I think this little house sparrow wants in on the Cheerio action.

Ring-necked ducks. See the white markings on their bills?

As I wandered around from pond to pond, I found lots of things to look at and wonder about.

No blossoms in this garden in January, but as I read the dedication, I realized it was planted in honor of a baby who died the day she was born.

Benches appear throughout the preserve. This one had a placard that particularly touched me:

In one of the ponds I noticed some wading birds fishing for food.

An American avocet. See the curved-upward beak?

And further on, another turtle:

I noticed a painted rock nestled in the V of a tree trunk:

A gambrel’s quail sprinted across the trail in front of me, and I was barely able to snap a shot before it disappeared into the brush:

I won’t let another four-and-a-half years pass before I make another trip to the Preserve. Maybe I’ll see you there. . .

Posted in photography | Tagged Ducks, Gilbert Riparian Preserve, Nature, Photo essay, Wildlife | 1 Comment

My Ultimate Summer Day

Posted on May 27, 2022 by Andrea R Huelsenbeck

What’s your favorite season? Mine hasn’t changed since I was a child growing up in New Jersey–summer! I associate that season with time off for fun. Our ten weeks of summer break was deeply needed after so many months cooped up in school.

I don’t like weather that involves raking or shoveling. Winter is enjoyable here in the Arizona desert, but I still like summer better, though in the 100+ degree heat, I’d prefer to be in the pool if I have to be outside.

My ideal summer day is based on the ones I experienced as a 15-year-old. The sky would be blue, the sun warm, the temperature in the mid-to-upper 80s (though with the typical 85% humidity, it would be much less comfortable than Arizona dry heat), and I would be at the beach. I’d have a cooler with me, with cold soda and sandwiches and snacks. I’d have no responsibilities for the day—no job to go to, no meals to prepare, no appointments upcoming, no pressing deadlines to meet. And I’d have a friend with me, preferably one of the opposite sex.

When our kids were little and we still lived in New Jersey, but closer to the Pennsylvania border rather than near the Atlantic shore, we might drive half an hour to a lake to have a change of pace from the backyard pool. But my ideal day still included sun and water.

When we moved to Arizona, we bought another house with a pool, because we knew it would play a big part in our summers. A lot of people don’t like having pools, because they see the upkeep as tedious and expensive. But we had five kids. Going on a one-week vacation during the summer would cost us more than the price of a year’s worth of pool chemicals. And really, if you invest in a good pool vacuum, maintenance only takes maybe an hour or less a week (assuming you don’t have trees dropping leaves directly into the pool). When the kids were young, we were in the pool every day. The kids’ birthday parties were always pool parties (except for Andy’s—he was born in December).

Now, with our kids all grown, we are not in the pool every day from April through October. Greg’s not been in the pool in years. I average about a dozen dips per summer, though every time I go in, I wonder why I don’t do it every day.

I’ve only been in once so far this year. But Monday is Memorial Day (which in New Jersey is considered the first day of beach season), so after meditating on the sacrifices of our Armed Services, I’m planning to cool off in the pool.

I can’t wait.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Favorite season, Summer, Ultimate wonderful day | 3 Comments

11 Things to Do When You Have Nothing to Do

Posted on May 20, 2022 by Andrea R Huelsenbeck

Or when you’re bored with what you have to do. Or if you ever get some free time.

Read the books in your TBR pile. (If you’re not a bookaholic, you might not know that TBR means To Be Read.)
Go somewhere fun to people-watch—a park, the mall (do people still go to malls?), a coffee shop, a bench downtown.
Take a day trip to that nearby tourist trap you’ve never been to, or a museum, or a zoo, or a botanical garden, or a cathedral.
Go on a hike, or on a walk around a neighborhood you’ve never been to. (Use your best judgment—in some towns, an unknown neighborhood is not a safe place to stroll.)
See if you can find 20 things to photograph in your home, your backyard, or your apartment complex. Choose your artsiest photo, get it printed out as an 8 x 10, frame it and hang it on your wall (or give it as a gift).
Doodle.
If you’re a writer, daydream and/or brainstorm ideas. (If you’re a blogger, make up a list of prompts and send them to me! Or post it on your blog, and give us a link in the comments.)
If you have CDs or records, look through them for ones you haven’t heard in a long time, and listen to them.
Dig out your old clarinet, or accordion, or whatever instrument is under your bed gathering dust, and play it.
Remember that needlepoint kit/ model car kit/ macramé project/ fancy recipe you were going to make? Work on that.
Write a snail mail letter to a person you know who would appreciate it. (Hint: choose an older person, someone who thinks Facebook is newfangled.)

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Things to do | Leave a comment

Scripture Break #33

Posted on May 13, 2022 by Andrea R Huelsenbeck

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Lost Memories

Posted on May 6, 2022 by Andrea R Huelsenbeck

Surprise—my memory isn’t as sharp as it used to be. I feel like all my storage capacity has been filled, and it takes longer and longer to access my data, like an old worn out computer.

When I was a young adult, I could tell you the name of every teacher I’d ever had, from kindergarten to grad school. Now I can tell you only a handful of professors’ names, and few high school teacher’s names, but I do still remember my teachers from kindergarten to grade 6. Why do I remember names from childhood, but not from college?

Not that my memory was ever all that great. All my life I’ve had frequent bouts of panic when I couldn’t find my keys, my glasses, my wallet. And for decades I’ve walked into rooms without recalling why I wanted to be there.

About twenty-five years ago I had episodes while driving when I didn’t recognize where I was or remember where I was heading. After a few weeks of this, I asked my bible study group to pray for me. I was afraid I was going to have to surrender my driver’s license. Afterward, a woman asked me if I was taking antihistamines, as a friend of hers had experienced the same symptoms. At first, I said no, but then I realized my nasal spray was an antihistamine. I stopped using it, and a few days later my disorientation disappeared.

When my husband returned home after surgical complications and an extended stay in a skilled nursing facility, I was overwhelmed with his medication schedule, his doctor appointments, his physical therapy requirements, and the maintenance his feeding tube required. Suddenly there was so much to remember, and my brain was not up to it.

A few years earlier I had started a notebook with all our medical information; I just had to remember to keep it updated and bring it with me to appointments (since I couldn’t remember what tests he’d had, what the results were, or all the medicines he was taking). I sat down with the medications Greg came home from the rehab facility with, and made a chart of when he took what. I still refer to my (updated) chart each week as I set up his morning 7-day pillbox and his evening 7-day pillbox, and made sure they’re refilled regularly.

Nevertheless, mistakes happen. I get them mixed up. So far, no fatal errors, but each one raises my stress level.

I made an appointment with the neurologist, who administered tests that show I don’t have Alzheimer’s, thank God, but I do have mild cognitive disfunction. I now take medication twice a day that’s supposed to prevent my memory from deteriorating further.

I don’t think it’s 100% effective, but I’ve stopped panicking about it.

The funny thing is, every once in a while something will pop into my head—a vivid memory of an incident from the past that I’ll realize I haven’t thought about in decades. Sometimes it will be triggered by a whiff of an aroma, or a song from my childhood.

My oldest son has the most amazing memory. He remembers things that happened when he was a baby, and he can pinpoint the year of events that are fuzzy in my recollections. He remembers actors in movies, and which movies won Oscars in which years, and all sorts of trivia.

Maybe memory skips generations. I don’t know.

Posted in Personal experience | Tagged Forgetfulness, Memory | 1 Comment

Stickers Seen on a Rear End

Posted on April 29, 2022 by Andrea R Huelsenbeck

Posted in Humor, photography | Tagged Car art, Decals | Leave a comment

Praying for Your Adult Children

Posted on April 22, 2022 by Andrea R Huelsenbeck

I recently reread The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian. It has 30 chapters, each discussing a particular aspect of concern to a parent, and containing a prayer and a collection of applicable scripture verses. I prayed through that book on a regular basis during my five kids’ childhoods.

One criticism that I have of the book is that the writing is full of Christian jargon. I don’t think terminology is needed in a prayer. God hears us when we speak from the heart.

On rereading it now that my youngest is nearly 33, the focus is not what I would choose for my needs today. But I’m happy I had it when they were young, and I would recommend it to parents of children and teens.

I made a list of the things I want to continue praying about for my adult children. Maybe you would find these elements useful as you pray for yours.

Long ago I learned to pray that God would make my children into the people He created them to be. (In fact, I pray that for myself and my husband as well.) It’s hard to see your children make choices that you disagree with. But at some point, you have to let them own their own decisions. I don’t dare to think that I know better than God what’s best for my children. He may let them go down a path I wouldn’t want them to take in order for them to learn an important lesson. He will provide them with exactly the experiences that will shape them according to His purposes.
Pray that they trust in God. Their faith may go dormant; pray that God will rekindle it.
Pray that they experience love—first and foremost the love God has for them. Also the love and acceptance of family, friends, and community. Pray that God willing, He will prepare a life partner for them, and that they will love each other deeply.
Pray for their physical health, that God would heal any disease within them. Pray that they would do all the things that preserve their health, such as eating nutritious food and exercising. Pray they will avoid any activity that would harm their health, such as smoking or abusing alcohol.
Pray for their mental health, that God would bless them with a positive and hopeful attitude about life. Pray that if they experience depression or hopelessness or lack of worth, they would seek help, and that God would nudge them in that direction and open doors so that they can get the help they need.
Pray for your children’s homes. Pray that they can obtain suitable living quarters at a sustainable price. Pray that the right housing would open up in a convenient location. Pray that God would bless their dwellings and that their homes would be an island of peace and security and joy and love.
Pray for their safety. Pray that natural disasters would not occur around them. Pray that they would live in such a way that they don’t affect the environment negatively. Pray that they will not be attacked by evil people and that they will be alert and not take part in risky behaviors.
Pray for their jobs. Pray that they can earn a living with meaningful work at appropriate compensation. Pray that they will sense the special talents God has given them and use them to serve the community. Pray that they will devote their best efforts, grow in their jobs, be successful, be promoted, and that their work will give them satisfaction.
Pray that God would build their character. Pray that they will act with integrity, obeying God’s laws and our country’s laws. Pray that they will be honest and compassionate, generous with their time and their resources, willing to pitch in and help those in need.
Pray that your children would have a sense of God’s purpose for their lives, and they would embrace it as their mission. Pray that God would equip them for their life’s journey. Pray that they would not give their attention or energy to anything that would contradict their purpose.
Pray that they will be lifelong learners, that they will have a spirit of curiosity, and that they will seek information and truth and understanding all the days of their lives. Pray that they will be willing to share what they know with other seekers of wisdom. Pray that they will develop their talents and use them for their own enjoyment and the joy of others.
Pray that God would give them discernment. Pray that His holy Spirit would guide them in their dealings and help them avoid placing their trust in the wrong people and places. Pray that they will be able to recognize when an opportunity is good and when something is not right.
Pray that they maintain balance in their lives. May they work hard, but make time to rest and refresh their spirits. May they have fun in their lives, but their own pleasure be secondary to their responsibilities and to the needs of those around them. May they have everything they need, but not accumulate possessions for the sake of acquisition.
Pray that God will connect your children with people who will be good friends, who will encourage them to be the best versions of themselves, and who will call them out when they’re on the wrong track. Pray that they will have a few people whom they can depend on to tell the truth, be with them when needed, and have fun with.
Pray that God will not allow them to be lured into addiction of any sort, whether drugs, gambling, sex, pornography, alcohol, tobacco, or uncontrolled spending. If they have an addiction, pray that God will take away its allure and their desire, and will lead them to get help.
Pray that your children will not be hindered by fear. Fear can keep them from taking next steps and can lead to despair. Pray that they can face their fears. Pray that if they experience failure, they will find the strength to recover and continue on. Pray that when they struggle, they will trust that they can endure until they reach the other side.
Pray that they have joy, which is different than happiness. Happiness depends on circumstances; joy transcends circumstances. Pray that they will have the confidence that comes from God’s peace.

In my list, I have included much of what appears in Omartian’s book, but adjusted for grown children. Our kids never outgrow their need for our prayers on their behalf.

Posted in Parenting, Prayer | Tagged Praying for adult children | 2 Comments

Be Careful What You Tell a Child

Posted on April 8, 2022 by Andrea R Huelsenbeck

I’m the one on the right. I must have been about four years old.

When I was a little girl, I took grownups at their word. Eventually, experience and disappointment taught me not to trust them.

Uncle Eddie was my mother’s sister’s husband’s brother. I guess he wasn’t really my uncle, but I called him Uncle Eddie, and his wife was Aunt Jo to me.

Aunt Jo was glamourous. She wore makeup and sparkly jewelry and even a mink stole over her shoulders in cool weather. She smelled like perfume and laughed melodiously. She made a big fuss over me, and made me feel special.

My parents in contrast were very plain and ordinary, and their affection for me depended on my excellence. (For example, if I had straight A’s on my report card, I had their approval. But one B proved I wasn’t trying hard enough.)

One night when Aunt Jo and Uncle Eddie were over, I managed to captivate Aunt Jo. “I’m gonna take you home with me,” she said. And I thought she meant it.

I had a doll suitcase, which I emptied and packed with a nightgown and a change of clothes. When Aunt Jo and Uncle Eddie got up to leave, I grabbed my suitcase and joined them.

When my parents asked me where I thought I was going, I reminded them that Aunt Jo said she was taking me home with her, and then I found out that was a joke. It wasn’t funny to me; it was heartbreaking, a betrayal.

Another day, when I was roaming the neighborhood with my friend Rose, we heard music and singing and laughing from her neighbor’s house. “Let’s see what’s going on,” she said, and we rang the doorbell.

The lady of the house let us in. Some sort of celebration was going full swing. The lady made a big fuss over Rose (kind of like the fuss Aunt Jo would make over me). She let Rose sit on the piano bench with her as she played piano and sang a song. Then she passed a candy bowl to Rose and me and we helped ourselves to sweet treats. Rose said, “We have to go now,” and the lady said, “Come back soon.” Then she turned to me and said, “You too.”

The next day, as I passed the house while wandering, I remembered the lady’s words. I also remembered the candy bowl. So I rang the doorbell.

When the lady came to the door, she was wearing a robe and seemed very tired, not nearly as vivacious as the day before. “Yes?”

She didn’t seem to recognize me. “I’m Andrea. I was here yesterday with Rose.”

“And. . . ?”

“You said I should come back soon.”

“What do you want?”

I thought about the candy bowl, but it would be rude to ask for candy. Why did she not remember me? I thought she wanted me to visit. “Never mind,” I finally said, and went on my way.

Many years later, I realized that both Aunt Jo and Rose’s neighbor were likely tipsy when they said those words to me that were so full of promise.

But little kids don’t understand the implications of alcohol. They don’t understand why grownups would say something and then not follow through, as if they didn’t even remember.

My way of coping with the capriciousness of adults’ words was not to believe them when they promised something fun. That way, if the fun thing actually happened, I was pleasantly surprised; and if it didn’t, I wasn’t all that disappointed because my cynicism didn’t allow me to hope for it. Maybe that was a good lesson to learn in a less-than-perfect world.

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Scripture Break #32

Posted on April 5, 2022 by Andrea R Huelsenbeck

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46 Ways to Be Creative

Posted on March 25, 2022 by Andrea R Huelsenbeck

There are thousands of ways to be creative. Here are just a few to try:

You know that free online class you’ve always wanted to take? Do it now!
A lot of people did this during the pandemic: choose an iconic artwork, and dress yourself (or your child, or your dog) to look like it. Take a picture and post on social media.
Go to a public place with a notebook and pen. Watch people and make up stories about them. Write your stories down.
Choose a favorite song and choreograph a dance to it. (You might need to film yourself doing the dance so you don’t forget it. Try to think of a way to notate it.) Then teach the dance to someone else.
Make up a new holiday (Umbrella Day? Castanet Day? Tuna Casserole Day?) and a unique way to celebrate it. Invite all your friends to your celebration.
Buy a bottle of bubbles at the dollar store and sit on your front stoop to blow them.
Cut paper snowflakes.
Build a blanket fort. Make yourself a snack to eat inside it, and do something fun in there (read a book with a flashlight, take a nap, pet a cat).
Do a photographic study—take a picture every day of/from the same location at the same time of day for a month or a year, documenting changes (of seasons, growth, decay, quality of sunlight).
Write a love letter—to a real person in your life, or an imagined one; to a romantic partner, or a friend, or a relative, or a pet.
Identify things that need inventing—a wastebasket that empties itself, windshield wipers that exude fresh rubber as they wear, a doorbell that plays your favorite song. If you can think of a way to make it, do!
Call that friend you’ve lost touch with. Ask him how he’s doing. Let him talk—you listen and ask questions.
Watch a classic movie you’ve never seen: Casablanca, It’s a Wonderful Life, Some Like It Hot, To Kill a Mockingbird. See what all the fuss is about.
Take a walk. Bring a notebook and pen. Think about stuff, especially problems. See what solutions you can come up with. Walking with a notebook and pen is an especially good technique for writers needing to work out plot problems or come up with topics to write about.
Think about how a crazy person might solve a problem. (Yeah, crazy like a fox.)
Follow connections. You know how when you think of one thing, it reminds you of another? Follow the trail and see where it leads. You’re thinking of how a joey (baby kangaroo) rides in its mother’s pouch, and that reminds you of how your daughter used to reverse her backpack so that it became a frontpack, and then you remember the time she stuffed her backpack with licorice and it smeared her homework. . .
Learn to do something most people learn to do when they’re kids. Swimming. Riding a bike. Skateboarding.
Practice yoga. Learn a new pose.
If you have a musical instrument at home, try playing favorite songs (or children’s songs) by ear.
That long term creative project you’re afraid to start—buy a package of gold stars, and mark your calendar with them every day that you work on the project.
Doodle.
Write a haiku—a short poem of three lines. The first line has 5 syllables, the second 7, the third 5: windy autumn days / colorful leaves blowing down / rake them into piles.
Lie on a blanket outside and look at the clouds. What are they shaped like? A lamb? President Lincoln? A Corvette? A mushroom?
Before you throw an old magazine in the recycling bin, tear out a few pictures and put them on your desk in a folder marked “inspiration.” Then refer to them when you want to draw something, but you don’t know what.
Read poems.
Draw a self-portrait. Draw lots of self-portraits. Challenge yourself by trying different techniques: pen and ink, watercolor, colored pencil. Draw a self-portrait using one continuous line. Draw a self-portrait using your non-dominant hand.
Paint a design on your toenails—or on someone else’s nails.
Bake cookies—but add one secret ingredient to the dough.
Choose a favorite quote and write it in fancy lettering, childish lettering, or cut-out letters.
Go to the dollar store with $10 and buy 10 meaningful presents for your friends.
Spend an afternoon in a museum.
Make a list of things you’re grateful for: mild weather, puppies, finding your keys.
Pick up a small item, like a stone, a paperclip, or a thumbtack. What does its shape suggest to you? Put it on a piece of paper, and draw a picture around it. I love what Debbie Ridpath Ohi does with this idea.
Listen to music, or watch music videos. Listen to your favorites, or the classics (Bach, Beethoven, Mozart), or discover new artists.
If you’re stuck in a waiting situation (at the doctor’s office, in line, on broken-down public transportation), don’t fidget—daydream!
Watch funny animal videos on YouTube.
Cultivate creative friends, and connect with them often.
Watch TED talks. Here’s a good one.
If you’re stuck, be mindful. Take deep breaths. Be in the moment.
Improve your nutrition. Get off junk food. Limit your salt and sugar. Eat more fruits and vegetables.
Attend a conference for one of your interests.
Accept that creativity isn’t any one thing. It’s millions of things, and different sparks for different people.
Journal.
Buy a package of googly eyes. Go look for things to stick them on.
Make a puppet. Write a puppet show. Put it on with a child.
Make your own list of ways to be creative. Can you think of 50? 100? 1000?