Be Careful What You Tell a Child

I’m the one on the right. I must have been about four years old.

When I was a little girl, I took grownups at their word. Eventually, experience and disappointment taught me not to trust them.

Uncle Eddie was my mother’s sister’s husband’s brother. I guess he wasn’t really my uncle, but I called him Uncle Eddie, and his wife was Aunt Jo to me.

Aunt Jo was glamourous. She wore makeup and sparkly jewelry and even a mink stole over her shoulders in cool weather. She smelled like perfume and laughed melodiously. She made a big fuss over me, and made me feel special.

My parents in contrast were very plain and ordinary, and their affection for me depended on my excellence. (For example, if I had straight A’s on my report card, I had their approval. But one B proved I wasn’t trying hard enough.)

One night when Aunt Jo and Uncle Eddie were over, I managed to captivate Aunt Jo. “I’m gonna take you home with me,” she said. And I thought she meant it.

I had a doll suitcase, which I emptied and packed with a nightgown and a change of clothes. When Aunt Jo and Uncle Eddie got up to leave, I grabbed my suitcase and joined them.

When my parents asked me where I thought I was going, I reminded them that Aunt Jo said she was taking me home with her, and then I found out that was a joke. It wasn’t funny to me; it was heartbreaking, a betrayal.

Another day, when I was roaming the neighborhood with my friend Rose, we heard music and singing and laughing from her neighbor’s house. “Let’s see what’s going on,” she said, and we rang the doorbell.

The lady of the house let us in. Some sort of celebration was going full swing. The lady made a big fuss over Rose (kind of like the fuss Aunt Jo would make over me). She let Rose sit on the piano bench with her as she played piano and sang a song. Then she passed a candy bowl to Rose and me and we helped ourselves to sweet treats. Rose said, “We have to go now,” and the lady said, “Come back soon.” Then she turned to me and said, “You too.”

The next day, as I passed the house while wandering, I remembered the lady’s words. I also remembered the candy bowl. So I rang the doorbell.

When the lady came to the door, she was wearing a robe and seemed very tired, not nearly as vivacious as the day before. “Yes?”

She didn’t seem to recognize me. “I’m Andrea. I was here yesterday with Rose.”

“And. . . ?”

“You said I should come back soon.”

“What do you want?”

I thought about the candy bowl, but it would be rude to ask for candy. Why did she not remember me? I thought she wanted me to visit. “Never mind,” I finally said, and went on my way.

Many years later, I realized that both Aunt Jo and Rose’s neighbor were likely tipsy when they said those words to me that were so full of promise.

But little kids don’t understand the implications of alcohol. They don’t understand why grownups would say something and then not follow through, as if they didn’t even remember.

My way of coping with the capriciousness of adults’ words was not to believe them when they promised something fun. That way, if the fun thing actually happened, I was pleasantly surprised; and if it didn’t, I wasn’t all that disappointed because my cynicism didn’t allow me to hope for it. Maybe that was a good lesson to learn in a less-than-perfect world.

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Scripture Break #32

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46 Ways to Be Creative

There are thousands of ways to be creative. Here are just a few to try:

  1. You know that free online class you’ve always wanted to take? Do it now!
  2. A lot of people did this during the pandemic: choose an iconic artwork, and dress yourself (or your child, or your dog) to look like it. Take a picture and post on social media.
  3. Go to a public place with a notebook and pen. Watch people and make up stories about them. Write your stories down.
  4. Choose a favorite song and choreograph a dance to it. (You might need to film yourself doing the dance so you don’t forget it. Try to think of a way to notate it.) Then teach the dance to someone else.
  5. Make up a new holiday (Umbrella Day? Castanet Day? Tuna Casserole Day?) and a unique way to celebrate it. Invite all your friends to your celebration.
  6. Buy a bottle of bubbles at the dollar store and sit on your front stoop to blow them.
  7. Cut paper snowflakes.
  8. Build a blanket fort. Make yourself a snack to eat inside it, and do something fun in there (read a book with a flashlight, take a nap, pet a cat).
  9. Do a photographic study—take a picture every day of/from the same location at the same time of day for a month or a year, documenting changes (of seasons, growth, decay, quality of sunlight).
  10. Write a love letter—to a real person in your life, or an imagined one; to a romantic partner, or a friend, or a relative, or a pet.
  11. Identify things that need inventing—a wastebasket that empties itself, windshield wipers that exude fresh rubber as they wear, a doorbell that plays your favorite song. If you can think of a way to make it, do!
  12. Call that friend you’ve lost touch with. Ask him how he’s doing. Let him talk—you listen and ask questions.
  13. Watch a classic movie you’ve never seen: Casablanca, It’s a Wonderful Life, Some Like It Hot, To Kill a Mockingbird. See what all the fuss is about.
  14. Take a walk. Bring a notebook and pen. Think about stuff, especially problems. See what solutions you can come up with. Walking with a notebook and pen is an especially good technique for writers needing to work out plot problems or come up with topics to write about.
  15. Think about how a crazy person might solve a problem. (Yeah, crazy like a fox.)
  16. Follow connections. You know how when you think of one thing, it reminds you of another? Follow the trail and see where it leads. You’re thinking of how a joey (baby kangaroo) rides in its mother’s pouch, and that reminds you of how your daughter used to reverse her backpack so that it became a frontpack, and then you remember the time she stuffed her backpack with licorice and it smeared her homework. . .
  17. Learn to do something most people learn to do when they’re kids. Swimming. Riding a bike. Skateboarding.
  18. Practice yoga. Learn a new pose.
  19. If you have a musical instrument at home, try playing favorite songs (or children’s songs) by ear.
  20. That long term creative project you’re afraid to start—buy a package of gold stars, and mark your calendar with them every day that you work on the project.
  21. Doodle.
  22. Write a haiku—a short poem of three lines. The first line has 5 syllables, the second 7, the third 5: windy autumn days / colorful leaves blowing down / rake them into piles.
  23. Lie on a blanket outside and look at the clouds. What are they shaped like? A lamb? President Lincoln? A Corvette? A mushroom?
  24. Before you throw an old magazine in the recycling bin, tear out a few pictures and put them on your desk in a folder marked “inspiration.” Then refer to them when you want to draw something, but you don’t know what.
  25. Read poems.
  26. Draw a self-portrait. Draw lots of self-portraits. Challenge yourself by trying different techniques: pen and ink, watercolor, colored pencil. Draw a self-portrait using one continuous line. Draw a self-portrait using your non-dominant hand.
  27. Paint a design on your toenails—or on someone else’s nails.
  28. Bake cookies—but add one secret ingredient to the dough.
  29. Choose a favorite quote and write it in fancy lettering, childish lettering, or cut-out letters.
  30. Go to the dollar store with $10 and buy 10 meaningful presents for your friends.
  31. Spend an afternoon in a museum.
  32. Make a list of things you’re grateful for: mild weather, puppies, finding your keys.
  33. Pick up a small item, like a stone, a paperclip, or a thumbtack. What does its shape suggest to you? Put it on a piece of paper, and draw a picture around it. I love what Debbie Ridpath Ohi does with this idea.
  34. Listen to music, or watch music videos. Listen to your favorites, or the classics (Bach, Beethoven, Mozart), or discover new artists.
  35. If you’re stuck in a waiting situation (at the doctor’s office, in line, on broken-down public transportation), don’t fidget—daydream!
  36. Watch funny animal videos on YouTube.
  37. Cultivate creative friends, and connect with them often.
  38. Watch TED talks. Here’s a good one.
  39. If you’re stuck, be mindful. Take deep breaths. Be in the moment.
  40. Improve your nutrition. Get off junk food. Limit your salt and sugar. Eat more fruits and vegetables.
  41. Attend a conference for one of your interests.
  42. Accept that creativity isn’t any one thing. It’s millions of things, and different sparks for different people.
  43. Journal.
  44. Buy a package of googly eyes. Go look for things to stick them on.
  45. Make a puppet. Write a puppet show. Put it on with a child.
  46. Make your own list of ways to be creative. Can you think of 50? 100? 1000?
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Embrace the Light

 darkness reigns
 unworthiness shames me
 I hide among the shadows cold
  
 ostracized
 my only protection 
 is silent invisibility
  
 spark ignites
 hope and love surprise me
 writing me a new biography
  
 I step forth
 boldness overcomes fear
 I embrace the light, defeating dark 

©ARHuelsenbeck

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Scripture Break #31

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My Hair’s Covid Dreams

My hair is tired of stay-at-home orders.
Tired of being held back by the ties of my face mask.
My hair wants to be blowing free at the beach
basking in the sun.
My hair wants to hang in my plate in a restaurant.
My hair wants to fling around as I dance in public.
 
My hair can’t remember the last time it was cut.
It seems such a waste to wash it and comb it.
Who sees it? Just a couple of people on Zoom.
 
My hair is tired of ponytail elastics.
It’s craving hair jewelry bling.
It’s demanding retail therapy—and not the online kind.
It wants to be dyed—not some inobtrusive color, 
but something sparkly and bold, 
something that will make people take notice.
 
My hair wants a selfie on social media.
My hair wants to go viral, and not in a pandemic sort of way.

©ARHuelsenbeck

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In Memoriam: Betty Mason Arthurs

Betty Mason Arthurs

I met Betty Arthurs around 1990 at the Tempe Christian Writers Club. A friendly extrovert, she encouraged the writers by pointing out the excellent passages in their writing and making helpful suggestions for improvements.

Another member of TCWC invited several members to form a smaller, more focused critique group. We called ourselves Tuesday’s Children, because we met every Tuesday morning–for almost thirty years.

In 2015 we started this blog, Doing Life Together. Betty was one of the founding members.

She was a registered nurse with a degree from Roberts Wesleyan College. She was forced to retire early because of rheumatoid arthritis, but that didn’t stop her from being a wonderful wife and devoted mother of two children. She wrote freelance articles and was working on a novel based loosely on her adventures in nursing school. She loved to laugh and pull practical jokes.

Betty passed away on January 22, 2022 after a long illness. Today her friends and family celebrated her life with a lunch at their church.

To continue remembering Betty, I’ve compiled some of her most popular posts on Doing Life Together:

Posted in Aging, Death and Dying, Family Life, Family Stories, Marriage, married 50 years, Remembering, Writing | Tagged | 7 Comments

new shoes

don’t take us out of the box
we’re happy here, brand new
as perfect as we’ll ever be
don’t violate us with your stinky feet
 
don’t destroy our perfect twinness
we are each other’s ideal partner
if you put mileage on us
we’ll wear out, no longer new
no more new shoe fragrance
 
this is war
we will fight you
we’ll pinch you and blister you
but treat us gently and we’ll hug you
we’ll give you height
we’ll let you dance
or we’ll trip you up
you’ll never know which
until it happens
 
better yet, leave us in the box
put us on the top shelf of the closet
forget about us
let us rest in our perfection forever

©ARHuelsenbeck

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o spirit of rhyme and rhythm

amuse me, muse
now tickle my imagination
with whistles of whimsy and whit
make the words flow from my pen
and paint pictures with their cadences
I am merely the stenographer who
captures the images and
mounts them on the page
 
you gave me this gift, this curse
now have your way with me
make me fertile with verse
don’t sit me here with an idle pen
and ideas that drift away like smoke
 
what do you have for me today
what little bit of cleverness
what wordplay what syllabic art
what chorus of rhyme and rhythm
what little ditty will you hum to me today

©ARHuelsenbeck

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two halves make the whole

the practical woman in me
does the right thing
the expected thing
follows the rules
chooses a theme
devises a plan and then works according to plan
makes well-thought-out decisions
strives toward perfection
 
the emotional one in me
turns her back on caution
leaps forward with abandon
smells the roses
flings the paint
experiments to see what will happen
dances to the music no one else hears
feels the pain the joy the beauty
cries until she laughs
 
these unmatched twins
whimsical / intellectual
have equal merit in my self
they spar with each other
and embrace one another
shake hands smirk wink
walk a mile together
and only occasionally
push the other away

©ARHuelsenbeck

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