Doing Life Together

Some Things I Don’t Understand

Posted on May 3, 2016 by Linda Carlblom

(This article by Kitty Chappell was first published in The Sierra Star, Oakhurst, California on May 5, 1994 in conjunction with the National Day of Prayer)

I have driven automobiles for over 40 years and I still don’t understand how their engines work. I merely aim the car in the direction I want to go and press the gas pedal. By rote I drive them to places that expose me to hard work, frustration, beauty, fun, and inspiration.

Old car

I have learned the hard way that a car won’t go anywhere without gas in the tank, that the battery will go dead if I leave the lights on, that the engine will overheat without water and oil—and that I should read the operator’s manual. Despite my negative experiences and my lack of understanding as to how a car works, I will continue to believe in and drive automobiles.

I have used cameras for the same length of time and I don’t understand them either. I simply aim the lens at something and press the button. I don’t understand how a gadget can clutch from thin air an image of what I point it at, memorize it, materialize it onto a negative and transfer it to paper in a recognizable form. In spite of my ignorance, I have a collection of priceless moments—a parade of precious people and events suspended in time, memories on paper positioned on walls and in albums.

I learned the hard way, however, that my old Ricoh camera required film and what is seen through its lens will appear in the picture—and that I should read the operator’s manual. I have cut off the heads of subjects, taken detailed pictures of my feet, and missed my grandbaby completely while capturing upon print an open toilet and dirty towels on the bathroom floor. I once took 36 shots of the Disneyland Electrical Parade—with no film in the camera. In spite of such failures, I won’t part with my Ricoh.

For over 40 years I have prayed. I understand the functioning of prayer even less than that of my Buick and my Ricoh. Yet, because of my use of prayer I have experienced wonders that surpass those of the automobile and camera. How can one become born again as Jesus instructed Nicodemus in the third chapter of St. John in the Bible? I don’t know. It sounds rather far-fetched. But when I was 14 I left the mechanics of this miracle to God and was born again—through prayer. How could God help a bitter teenager release her anger, forgive her father for years of physical and emotional abuse and almost murdering her mother—and become a happy, fun-loving, responsible and productive adult? I don’t understand how, but through prayer God did that for me.

I have learned the hard way that as I pray, I should read my Operator’s Manual, the Bible, carefully. When I doubt its promises, ignore its warnings and avoid its wise rules for living by substituting my own, I bring about unwanted consequences. Yet, through prayer I know God continues to love me. As with my Buick and my Ricoh, I haven’t the foggiest notion as to how prayer works—but I will use it the rest of my life.

Kitty

Posted in Faith, Prayer, Uncategorized | Tagged faith, National Day of Prayer, Prayer | 1 Comment

If I Had My Life to Live Over

Posted on April 22, 2016 by Andrea R Huelsenbeck

Today is the twentieth anniversary of Erma Bombeck’s death. Originally posted on ARHtistic License.

Posted in Doing Life Together, Life, Regrets, Remembering | Tagged Erma Bombeck, Poetry | 1 Comment

Killer Bees, in the Middle of a Miracle by Betty Mason Arthurs

Posted on April 19, 2016 by Betty Mason Arthurs

Killer Bees, in the Middle of a Miracle by Betty Mason Arthurs

“What on earth? Another killer bee attack?” My heart sank as I read the newspaper.

Later I told my husband that once again our local Arizona newspaper reported, in November, 2015, that three adults and three children needed treatment in the hospital after a bee attack that stretched over a two-block-long area in the city south of us, Maricopa. One adult had nearly 300 stings, fortunately he survived. The article brought back bad memories of our own backyard killers.

Then a month ago bees had secretly slipped in through a crack under the eaves of a home in Mesa, a suburb of Phoenix, and formed a hive. Something finally got them riled and like miniature fighter jets they roared through the house killing three dogs. The home owner and her children were stung along with five cats, but none were seriously hurt. The firefighters sprayed the bees with foam ending the crisis.

I find the history of killer bees fascinating. They are also known as Africanized honeybees, which are the result of experiments in Brazil decades ago when scientists crossbred the European honeybee and the African honeybee in an effort to increase honey production. In 1957, 26 swarms accidentally escaped and by 1985 spread to North America. Too bad the golden nectar producers were more easily provoked, unusually defensive of their queens and hives and known to chase its enemies for up two miles when they attack…and kill.

In our backyard, we have citrus trees, red bouganvillea, brittle bush, oleander and hibiscus bushes, mesquite trees and numerous fragrant flowers. Because of our mild winter climate in the southwest, vegetation can bloom year round. Our grandchildren can swim, play baseball using Wiffle balls, and run races on our half acre. Our youngest grandson, Donovan, who is eight years old, loves to explore every inch of the yard, finding lizards and bugs. He gently grabs and shakes his creepy-crawlies into small plastic containers. They become his prized possessions to take home. He tells us, “I’m a bug scientist.”

killer bees We didn’t know our family was in the middle of a miracle in October 2015, when my husband John hired a landscaper and his workers to trim our large mesquite tree. Walking by the pop-up camper, he heard a buzzing, stopped and watched a few bees going in and out of a vent hole in the camper. He sprayed the hole with some pesticide. Everyone ran as the bees blasted out and flew into the mesquite tree, preparing to attack. Soon hundreds of swarming, angry bees lined the branches.

John called an expert in bee removal who was able to come right away. Without any protective gear, the “bee killer” gassed the swarm and instantly they were dead. Inside the camper they found fifty pounds of honey which was poisoned by the gas. Fifty pounds! “If you don’t remove that honey, the bees that escaped will return,” the expert told us. How sad to have to destroy the honey makers and their luscious produce.

All the “what ifs” flooded my mind when the bees were destroyed. After all the times Donovan played around that camper, what if he had been attacked? Would our small guy have survived? Our neighbor’s grandchildren are often in their backyard for a swim, what if the bees had gone after them and their two dogs? A block away is an elementary school and recess time could have become a disaster. Killer bees once chased a man in his pickup truck two miles down a country road in Tucson, Arizona.

Yes, I believe we were living a miracle that only God could orchestrate. And miracles of miracles, not one bee stung anyone. The Bible in Psalm 91, King James Version, says that the Lord will “deliver thee from the noisome pestilence.” As a Christian I can be comforted because this scripture also says, “Thou shalt not be afraid…for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.” God’s not a good luck charm, He’s a merciful Rescuer who we need to thank each day.

What has been your experience with bees? When have you personally experienced a miracle?

Posted in Christian Living, Faithfulness, Fear, Grandparenting, miracles, Uncategorized | Tagged killer bees, miracles | 4 Comments

The Introvert Party…by Linda Carlblom

Posted on April 15, 2016 by Linda Carlblom

As an introvert, I find it tiresome to be social. That doesn’t mean I don’t like it from time to time. I actually love it. After all, humans were made to be in community with each other to experience the richness of life. But introverts need far less socializing than extroverts, and then they need time to recover afterwards.

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Most parties are geared toward extroverts. You’re expected to talk, laugh, and interact with those around you. May I suggest an introvert party, one geared to those who like to be with people occasionally, but would like to go home less exhausted?

An introvert party might look like this. Doing puzzle

Guests are invited to come armed with their favorite book or other quiet activity.
Guests may, without guilt, come in, sit down, and start reading or working on their activity.
An area of quiet socializing can be established where it won’t be a distraction to those wanting to do their quiet activity. People may freely come and go in said area.
Snacks will be set out for people to get whenever they want. No set schedule here.
Texting is permitted—even within the room—with other guests, as it is the introvert’s preferred way of communicating.
Soft, soothing instrumental music plays in the background.
A TV or movie might be on in another room for guests to watch together.
Guests may leave as soon as they want to. No pressure to stay the extroverted amount of time.
Quiet companionship is the name of the game.
Suggested activities: Journaling, drawing, reading, working puzzles (jigsaw, crosswords, sudoku, etc.), needlework, watching movies/TV, playing a video/computer game with the sound off or earphones plugged in, painting, coloring in adult coloring books, napping.

jigsaw puzzle table

Now that’s a party I could get into. I know I’ll get two types of responses to this idea. The first will be something like, “That’s what’s wrong with this world. We’ve forgotten how to interact and this only perpetuates that.” The second will be along the lines of, “Yes! I’d attend this party in a heartbeat. Our world is overstimulated and it would be great to have a place to be quiet, even with friends.”

couple reading Some might ask, “What’s the point of a party like this?” (I’m guessing this would be an extrovert.) Here’s the thing. I once was in a family counseling session and told the counselor that I sometimes go in another room just to read in a quieter space. Another family member sometimes joined me with a book of her own. The counselor asked me a question that I’d never considered. “Do you feel a connection to that person when you’re both in the same room reading?” I had to think for a moment. Yes. Yes I did! You really can connect on a fairly deep level without speaking or getting in someone’s space. It was a revelation to me. The point of an introvert party is to connect with others in introverted ways, which are every bit as relevant as the ways extroverts relate.

I think both introverts and extroverts could get into this, at least once in a while. After all, introverts have been long-suffering in attending extrovert parties since the beginning of time. I say let’s create some balance.

Where do you stand? What other introverted activities would you add to the list?

Linda

Posted in Entertaining, Hospitality, Introvert, Uncategorized | Tagged extrovert, introvert activities, introvert party, parties, quiet activities | 21 Comments

Experiencing Grace

Posted on April 5, 2016 by Carol Boley

My mother speaks in scripts now. She bears the look of the very old. Clouded eyes and clouded mind. Alzheimer’s? The doctor said sometimes it’s impossible to know until an autopsy.

I am my mother’s keeper. I see her daily decline. Yesterday she knew to put on underwear, but not today. Sometimes I see glimpses of who she used to be. The ready smile. The chuckle. These are precious moments.

And these are wearying days. The smell of urine that greets me when I open her bedroom door first thing in the morning. The fear I will walk in and find her dead…and the fear the end will not come that smoothly and suddenly. The same conversation again and again…and again.

In the bathroom, after I have rubbed her back with the long-handled brush: “I remind myself of the horses. After Bill and I had curried them down, they would rub against the post just to say, ‘You missed a spot.'” “Those are fun memories for you,” I say.

And then, “You’re so kind to me, Carol.” “That’s because I love you,” I respond. “Well, you show me that, darlin’, in a bazillion ways everyday.” “That’s good,” I answer, “That’s what I want to do.”

And then I scream, silently, behind the blue blanket as I hold it up before draping it over her lap, because we have had that exact exchange no less than twelve times while moving from the bathroom to her chair in the next room. And then I smile at her as I tuck it in around her legs.

I cherish these days. In them, I experience the truth that God’s grace is sufficient for me. And for my mother.

“Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” (Isaiah 46:4)

Mother’s script now is a good one, but it hasn’t always been so. We passed through a season of belligerence and irritation and anger. Thank goodness those days are mostly gone.

“I am very blessed,” she says now. “Yes, we are very blessed,” I agree, “More blessed than we even know.”

She used to read her Bible every morning. Now I read the scripture to her. Often she joins in, from memory. I see the beauty of a lifetime of experience with God. I see the comfort it brings her and the joy of the Lord being her strength, and mine.

One morning we read John 6:40, “For my Father’s will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day.” Even her tired mind could understand the great love there. And that the work is His. We marveled at His grace and goodness to give us eternal life and all the blessings that go with it. Our part? To look and believe. I could tell she had something else to say.

“And that is precious little to ask in return.”

God’s grace is sufficient. It carries both my mother and me into the unknown with peace and confidence and gratitude.

How can I not be the most grateful of all persons, to get to see and experience the grace and blessings of God in this situation, as I have in every other stage of my life?

There are more stories and more blessings but they are for another blog. For now, look for the ways his grace is sufficient for you today. And if you have a moment to pray for my mother, I would be very grateful.

Posted in Aging, Alzheimer's, Caregiving, Faith, Family Life, Grace, Kindness, Life Transitions, Mom, Uncategorized | Tagged Alzheimer's, blessing, Caregiving, Dementia, Grace, grace is sufficient, John 6:40, mother | 21 Comments

Easter or “Eater” Service? by Betty Mason Arthurs

Posted on March 26, 2016 by Betty Mason Arthurs

Easter or “Eater” Sunday? by Betty Mason Arthurs
One spring a few years ago my husband and I traveled to Flagstaff from our home in the Phoenix area to spend Easter weekend with our daughter and her family. For their special Easter service, the church rented a large auditorium on the Northern Arizona University campus since their small building couldn’t accommodate the members from two Sunday services and their guests. Many used this day to reach out to family and friends who only attend church on Easter.
My heart burst with happiness as I walked with my husband and three grandsons, because we were once again a part of our family’s tradition, a Christian family celebrating Easter. Ravens and blue jays cawed their welcome of spring after a hard winter and squirrels chattered among the budding oak trees.
Memories of my childhood swept over me as I thought of all the Easters my parents, my two brothers and I had shared. Mom always had Easter lily stickers for her Sunday School classes and also made sure the sweet fragrance of fresh Easter lilies on the altar wafted through the church, symbols of new life. On good Friday before Easter Sunday, my Pastor-Dad served communion, speaking the words of Jesus when he shared the last supper with his disciples, “And as they did eat, Jesus took the bread, and blessed, and broke it, and gave to them, and said, ‘Take, eat: this is my body.’ And he took the cup, and when he had given thanks, he gave it to them and they all drank of it…This is my blood of the New Testament, which is shed for many.” Christians around the world celebrate Jesus and his death on the cross for mankind and his resurrection from the dead on Easter. The magnificent hymn we sang each Easter, “Up from the grave He arose,” still resounds through my heart. I can hear my father’s tenor and my mom’s alto voices singing with faith and conviction. A faith that is mine today, thanks to them. And now I share Easters with my own children and grandchildren.
A huge crowd had gathered at NAU and ushers handed out post cards asking people to fill out one if they had any prayer requests. The headline of my card caused me to chuckle, “Eater Service,” the “s” was missing. I glanced at the other cards around me and all were spelled right. Evidently only a few were wrong. But then I realized “Eater” was not such a bad word. Easter was about eating as Jesus shared the last supper with his friends, the ancient Hebrew celebration of the Passover and their deliverance from their enemies. Today we honor Jesus’ death and resurrection with communion on Good Friday.

Yes, we can gather today for an “Eater” and Easter service, celebrating our risen Lord and Savior, Jesus.

Posted in Celebrations, Christian Living, Easter, Easter traditions, Family Life, Family Stories, Uncategorized | 7 Comments

The Sweetest Sound

Posted on March 25, 2016 by Andrea R Huelsenbeck

In a doctor’s office waiting room, a serene young mother interacts with her approximately one-year-old daughter. The toddler walks back and forth between her mom and other enticing areas of the room, examining toys, scrambling up on an empty chair. The little one frequently looks back at her mom, whose eyes are always ready to meet hers. The mom offers the little girl an apple, which she eagerly accepts. Clearly, this mother loves and nurtures her child.

But one thing is oddly missing. During the ten minutes I observe, neither mother nor child utters a word.

I think back to the days when I was the stay-at-home mom with the toddlers in the waiting room, days characterized by noise and chaos. By the age of twelve months, my kids were stringing words together. They processed the world verbally with delighted squeals and enthusiastic exclamations, naming everything they encountered, and expecting me to participate in the conversation. They were anything but silent. Keeping them quiet during a Sunday sermon was next to impossible.

Photo by Joe Shlobotnik on flickr

Frankly, I was envious of this peaceful mother. Maybe I made my life, and the lives of all the people around me, a lot less pleasant with all the talking I did with my babies. I thought I was doing the right thing. Maybe I screwed up.

I googled “scientific benefits of not talking to babies.” I expected to find articles praising well-behaved, silent children and explaining how to raise kids to be taciturn, but I didn’t. Instead, I found articles on the benefits of talking to babies.

Research shows that speaking to children from birth (and even before) positively impacts their language development, their success in school, and even their future earning power.

What?

Photo by devinf on flickr

In a 1995 book Meaningful Differences in the Everyday Experiences of Young American Children, researchers Betty Hart and Todd R. Risley determined in a sample study that children whose families were on welfare heard about 600 words an hour spoken by their parents and/or caretakers. Working class children heard 1,200 words per hour, and children from professional families heard 2,100 words. The greater the number of words children heard from their parents or caretakers before they were 3, the higher their IQ and the better they did in school. But it needed to be words directed to them, as in conversation or a read-aloud story. Words on TV or on a video didn’t contribute to the effect; if anything, they subtracted from it.

Would you like to read some of the research for yourself? Click on these links:

Parents who work full-time may feel discouraged about squeezing in another thing-to-do in relation to raising their children. Who has the time or energy to think of thousands of words to say to their kiddos every day? But it’s a simply a matter of using time together to best advantage–while riding in the car, while running errands, during “down time” before bed. In Chicago, the Thirty Million Words Project teaches parents how to talk to their babies. I love how this young mother takes cues from her little daughter, embellishing on her comments and taking the conversation one step deeper:

And in Providence RI, a similar initiative is offered to families.

Would you give the gift of yourself to your child, if it meant better brain development? Time spent in infancy could eliminate the need for costly tutoring later. The side benefit of this kind of interaction is the deep bond it fosters. The flip side, as Hart and Risley’s study determined, is that children’s level of language starts to level off when it matches that of their parents, which means language deficiency is passed down through generations. (Do you ever wonder why some children who grew up in poverty become successful innovators as adults? Maybe it was something as simple as a parent, grandparent, or caretaker who consistently spoke to them.)

If my own experience is any indication of the success of this strategy, my very verbal brood were all reading by the time they entered kindergarten. Four of the five were selected for their district’s gifted program in elementary school. Three of them have bachelors degrees, one has an AA, and the first child (overachiever) has two Masters and is finishing her Ph.D.

Would you like to buy a word-counting device like the one shown to use at your home? Versame manufactures one.

So, what do you think? If you have little ones at home, do you (or will you) keep a running conversation going? Will you read them stories every night (and before nap time, too, if you’re at home)? Can you think of any reason not to?

Posted in Babies, Brain research, Doing Life Together, Grandparenting, Life, Love, Parenting | Tagged children, Doing Life Together, sharing life, Speaking to babies, Teaching babies language | 4 Comments

5 Ways to Teach Kindness to Your Kids

Posted on March 18, 2016 by Linda Carlblom

Children being kind to each other. Brothers and sisters helping one another. A child comforting another child when he’s hurt. All are wonderful sights. But how does a child become kind and compassionate?

By being taught and witnessing it in the lives of the people he loves. When a child is treated kindly, he learns to respond the same way. The same goes for compassion. Here are a few ideas of how you can teach kindness to your kids.

1. When you hear a child crying in the store, don’t get annoyed. Tell your child, “It sounds like someone feels sad.” This acknowledges the noise, yet links it to an emotion. It makes you and your child feel bad for the sad child instead of yourself.

2. Take your children with you when you visit someone in the hospital. Let them hear the things you say to the patient and see how you gently touch them. Include them in the conversation.

3. When you see a homeless person, stop and give them something. We sometimes make a stop at the dollar store and pick up a few items of food, chapstick, bottled water, combs, etc. and go back to give it to the person. Talking to someone who’s different takes away some of the mystery and fear of them. When children see and hear a homeless person’s surprised and grateful response it impacts them deeply. The needy person’s smile will remain in your child’s mind long after the actual encounter.

4. Before your child has a friend over, remind her to play things the friend would like to play, to let the friend go first, and to treat the friend as the special guest he or she is.

5. Allow a child to help any way he can. This includes providing comfort to others of any age. Compliment their kindness.

Children can be taught kindness just as we teach them anything else in life. As always, the best teacher is your example, so be consistently kind to others and to your child. Speak gently and be kind through your actions and attitude.

What things have you done to teach kindness to your kids? In what ways have you seen your child being kind or compassionate?

Linda

Posted in Kindness, Parenting, Uncategorized | Tagged children, compassion, Kindness, Parenting | 5 Comments

Single in the Family of God

Posted on March 4, 2016 by Allison Boley

My thoughts rarely take the form of words. I like to think this is because life’s deepest truths take place outside the realm of words, but maybe it’s just because I’m introverted and not very verbal. But for the first time, I’m helping plan a church event in part for families, and like snowflakes, all my thoughts about singleness and the church are crystallizing. So I’m articulating some of them here while I can, in the hopes that they might give a voice to someone else who’s like me, and that they might provide a different perspective for those who haven’t yet considered it.

I read a blog on this very subject a couple months ago that said something along the lines of that it might be harder to be single in the church than to be single outside the church. I’d take away the “might” and say the church is the only place I’ve found it hard to be single.

I’m single by choice. I love the autonomy, the freedom to serve Christ in any capacity at a moment’s notice. (I also love the autonomy for more selfish reasons.) I love the time to think in quiet, to pray without interruption, to lie on the floor and listen to music for hours, to just be. I view my singleness as a treasure, and my whole life I’ve only met one guy wonderful enough to make me want to hand over my treasure of singleness. Sure, there are times of loneliness, and in those times I love my singleness a little less. But I view any circumstance that drives me to God as a good thing. And let’s be real: plenty of married people are still lonely. I’d rather be lonely and single than lonely and married. Plus I’m fortunate — like do a dance and a cartwheel fortunate — to have a handful of emotionally intimate friendships and a wide community. I’m also fortunate to live in a time when women don’t have to get married in order to have income or social standing. I like my life.

But I’ve become aware that not everyone is as pleased with the life I’ve chosen. I’ve been called a homophobic slur to my face, insulted in subtler ways, argued with, and nagged as if I were procrastinating a chore. And every time without exception, it’s been by a fellow Christian.

I know I am also fortunate that for the most part, these have been isolated incidents, nothing like what I know many other single Christians experience regularly. Most of all, I’m fortunate that every church I’ve attended is led by people who value singleness and intentionally search for ways to be inclusive. (Realistically, I would not attend a church that didn’t believe singleness is equal to marriage.)

And so I don’t want to dwell on the negative. I want to articulate steps I will take in planning church-wide events in order to intentionally act out the respect I know my church has for singles.

1. I will call it a community event, not a family event. I’ve heard many sermons from many churches about marriage with the disclaimer that it’s great to be single, but today’s sermon is on marriage. But I’ve never in my life heard a disclaimer about how sure, it’s great to be married, but today’s sermon is on singleness (and preferably that sermon would be given by someone who hasn’t spent most of her or his adult life married). While I appreciate the acknowledgement, I’m tired of being the exception, and I don’t want to make anyone else feel like the exception, either. Instead, I will advocate calling the event a community event. That way, families are a subset of community in the same way a group of friends or a Bible study is a subset of community. Don’t get me wrong — it’s fine to have a family-only event, just like it’s fine to have a women-only event or a high school-only event. But if it’s a church-wide event, I’ll do my best not to call it a family event.

2. I will suggest activities that can be enjoyed with or without children. I think it’s vital to make church-wide events accessible to kids, but I also think it’s vital to make church events accessible to adults who don’t have kids. If the only activities at a church carnival, for example, are aimed at kids, then it excludes, even unintentionally, adults who may not feel like giving up an afternoon just to watch everyone else’s kids have fun.

3. I will provide a way for singles to experience the event in groups if they so choose, without it becoming a “singles” group. Many families in my church are fantastic about this actually, about including a single friend as part of their community in a genuine and natural way. But if I’m on the official end of planning, I’d like to make it an official, though ideally natural, part of the event. This particular event we’re planning involves different “stations” to be experienced by groups of people who move from station to station. I think part of respecting singles in this situation harkens back to my first point, by not making it a “family” event, which would encourage people to think about families experiencing the event as a unit by themselves. One alternate option is to group people by arrival time. This could keep families together while including others as part of the group without them feeling awkward like they were being tacked onto a family.

That said, while I’ve thought a lot about being single, particularly in the church, I’m relatively new to this whole church-wide planning thing. I’d love to hear from you in the comments if you’ve traversed this road before me. What other ideas have worked for you to intentionally include those who may not have family in your church?

Posted in Church, Doing Life Together, Introvert, Marriage, Service | 6 Comments

When We Think We Are Failures

Posted on March 1, 2016 by Judy Robertson

I come to You this morning, Lord, as a failure—one who can’t get the job done. I’ve failed at the social media/blog stuff—I’ve failed at revealing you to others. My heart is broken. You take failures, don’t You, Lord? I’m grateful, because I am one.

This was my open confession to God today. There’s no use hiding. He knows my ways.

A devotional I read this morning caught my eye. “I know my own failure better than I know anything else in life. Take away my sin, O God, and heal my brokenness. Repair my life that I may yet glorify Your Name” (Senior’s Bible, John Killin, P. 462).

Have you ever felt as though you’re a failure and have become discouraged? We all, I would guess, have been there at one time or another.

What helps turn this around? Where do we go from hanging our heads in shame and maybe some self-pity thrown in, to walking tall and having a smile on our face?

For me it takes some time alone to re-evaluate my own definition of why I believe I’m a failure. And I usually come to this: By whose definition am I a failure? To name a few: I don’t measure up to my own expectations, or in comparison to so- and- so, I just don’t make the grade.

Is that the measuring rod I need to use–how well someone else does this or that?

It’s a necessary part of the evaluation for me, to find someone in the Bible who has experienced believing they were a failure. I even asked, “Lord, are there examples in the Bible of some who thought they were failures and resisted your clear call?” Hmm, glad you asked.

For starters there was Moses who, when God said He was sending him to bring the Israelites out of Egypt, argued with God saying he was not eloquent and that he was slow of speech and tongue. But God reminded Moses, “Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say” (Exodus 4:10-11, 13). Moses was so afraid he was unable to perform what God was telling him to do that he had the nerve to continue pleading with Him and said: “O Lord, please send someone else to do it.” Moses was so insecure in his own abilities that God became red hot angry with him. Despite Moses fear, God exhibited amazing patience with His servant.

Then there was Elijah who had, by God’s power, stacked up quite a few credits as God’s prophet. He had predicted a famine in Israel…and God fed him by ravens. He raised the Sidonian widow’s son from the dead, he defeated the prophets of Baal at Carmel, to name a few. And then he became afraid of the evil Jezebel. It’s surprising to see one who was such a faithful servant tuck his tail and run.

There are times when the job just seems too much for us. Elijah was so fearful and tired that he asked God to take his life. Elijah “…prayed that he might die. ‘I’ve had enough Lord,’ He said, ‘Take my life.’ Then he lay down under the tree and fell asleep” (I Kings 19:3-5). Then God mercifully deployed His angels to feed Elijah. “All at once an angel touched him and said, ‘Get up and eat.’ And there by his head was a cake of bread baked over hot coals and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.” I can imagine Elijah sleeping deeply and then, “The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, ‘Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you’” (I Kings 19:7). Not intending to oversimplify, sometimes we just need a good meal and a nap.

All this happened toward the end of Elijah’s life journey and shortly before his successor, Elisha, was anointed to take his place.

The disciples must have felt like the worst of failures when at Gethsemane Jesus asked them to “Stay here and keep watch” for Him. But when He returned they were sound asleep. “Could you not keep watch for one hour? Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing but the body is weak” (Mark 14:32-38).

Many times we fall short of being the servant Jesus asks us to be. We miss the mark. We blow it.

At times like this the only place to go is to His feet confessing our sin and weakness and asking for the strength to get us through. Jesus told His disciples to “Come away with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest” (Mark 6:31). Jesus often drew away from the crowds Himself.

Do you know a place that is peaceful and quiet where you can slip away for a half day, even a whole day or weekend? If not, ask God to show you such a place and make plans to go there, rest and invite Jesus to come with you. What a difference a day away can make.

Looking at discouragement I realize we have an enemy in this world who wants us to be discouraged. In fact our struggle is “not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (Ephesians 6:12). Make this time of getting away and resting a time to re-arm yourself with “the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes” (Ephesians 6:11). “In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one” (Ephesians 6:16).

We are not alone in this battle of believing we are failures– when we may be exactly where God wants us to be.

When it seems like I’m failing in doing life, perhaps the only thing in which I’m actually failing is trusting that God is instructing me and teaching me in the way I should go, counseling me and watching over me. (From Psalm 32:8)

Emily Freeman says it like this: “The truth is my slowness is not a fault or a sin, but fighting it might be. I tend to think my limitations are my burdens but perhaps they are actually my gifts if I’m willing to see them that way” (Simply Tuesday, Emily Freeman, P.95).

When my trust gauge is bouncing on empty that’s my indication I need to fill up with God’s promises and rest in Him.